moth

The bass is drumming on my mind
so heavily I cannot even think, or hear, or feel
just noise, vibrations, light and fog
all these posh people
this spilling, thrilling circus
a carousel spinning faster, and faster
and LOUDER
what the fuck am I doing here?
I am bandaged by two wrist bands
what do they mean?
-"Bang the nails in here!"
-"Pin me to the wall!"
I am the moth
in the glass box
that no-one will ever see
yet I am so aware,
so aware of the dark, of my own shadow
I am everywhere, nowhere
motionless, invisible
yet piercing savagely through the dark

This is not my place here
I have no face here
but where, where do I belong?
I cannot, cannot swarm with the herd,
flutter through the night,
shake off the dust, unfold
take on colour - blue, green
flicker, steam, dance, forget myself
in the spotlights
blurred, blurred, cast away and mindless
in my disguise
but that is the point: I AM this
I cannot shake it off
yet I am still sitting here
scribbling my fingers, my brains off,
ruining my ears, my skin...
Get up! Go NOW!
I can´t.
So how long, how long will I need to carry on?