I don´t believe in love

The tyrant returned
and my eyes still burn
from last night´s illusions
from toxic intrusions
of cutting voices and mocking laughter
that turn me into my own slaughterer

I fell into my bed
all sick and shaky
and deeply I sunk
into the morbid mind of the Depressed
into the shallowest longings of the Drunk
for dirty sex and bloody rituals
to be surpressed

And I filled my lungs
to breathe it all out
to be freed from the load of hate and doubt
and save all those things
that brought me back on track
that saved my life and revealed my luck
to be alive

But what about those nights
where my life just burns out
inside me
and the wings of my lungs
won´t set me free?
I am not young
and I am tired of telling myself
that my life has only just begun

I don´t believe in love
I would strangle all white doves
in the world if they weren´t birds
that don´t deserve to be hurt
just for being symbols for a deceptive word

I hate the world today
I hate happiness and my messed up psyche
and I want it to get out of my way
and I brutally nail down these words
because they betrayed me
There is no such thing as purity of expression
no boundless and ultimate obsession
that is worth living and dying for

I was there. With You.

I walk out
of the box, cage, bunker
I cut off my anchor
and set sail
for a journey
through the veins
of a different body,
through the jungles
of a different mind
enshrined in a star-dusty cloud

Your words, your melodies
are a swarm of humming bees
honey in their bags
seductive like poison
shooting me off
vicious, repetitious
tracks

You flow in through my ears
in drops and streams of tears
soaking my heart
soaking my life up
and reshaping it
into a sculpture
inhabiting a new race, a new culture
of the Blessed, the Vulnerable, the Overflowing
we are the Obssessed
Who can blame us?
who will shake their heads at our lust?
for life, love, liberty

Suicide is one of our kind
a child of these days
it closes eyes that were blind,
broken kites, anyways

You wake me up
you feel my thirst
my rusty mind is thrown
into a new universe
and I crack up inside
into splinters of light

And all that I´ve been through
You tell me it´s real
you sing to me
and deeply I feel
like all is true
that you touch with your gaze,
your hands on strings
all the stars and scars I carried to you
my loose ends, my ragged wings

I take a walk, ever night every day
in disguise and worn out shoes
but then we met on a milky way
and in only one moment we merged our truth
of what it means
to get born and forlorn in this way
hope is all we got
and we got it together
I guess you call it god
but it`s you who wrote me this letter



for Ezra