Mr Blue

The man in blue

he flew into my room when I was still a child

dreaming away at day, at night

and having him bed me on a cloud

He was the first to give me a name

a phantasm I bathed in

without any shame

he was not meant to last

but oh so mad´ning tragedy has it

that he always returned

just never to stay

Still warm are the sheets

and a white morning greets

the pale small girl

resting on a chest

that once was the nest

in which he carried her out of the window

the Man in Blue

and this, and this, and this,

this moment only

is all there is

And now another night has come

Mr. Blue, long have you been gone-

for a day, a week, a year, a decade

I do not care - time cannot measure

what lays here so bare and scarred:

The unending story sold by my heart

to anyone, anyone but you

just to feel that any of all this true

and I am free to hold on to the girl

who has made and stayed with the Man in Blue

to be left and bereft of her mind, her name

over and over again

DAMN YOU!

Can´t you stay for a while? You are not superman!

breathing normally

restless, sleepless, worn
mind is racing and a shadow paints all walls
can´t get out but what am i in
the wheel it does not stop to spin
what is real and how am i to know what to feel
my body is numb
and what can i say
without a message for my errand
and to whom and why and how
and why is it so dark
and fear won´t take a bow
and leave me to sleep and rest
in peace without grief and regret
i´m burning out I`m caving in
but still a rattling nonsense
with hands on a keyboard
is all that I am
and all the romance just fades into grey
I am a dreamer with nothing to do
and much less to say
that keeps you in my world
that leaves my hope uncurled
and unfolding in waves in your embrace
I am too much of too little
and so I exist
and have nothing to give that may help us persist
as a WE
not even in terms of "maybe"
i cannot stop
i cannot leave
the life i inflict with this painful desease
FEAR
i want to move on, i want to resist
but a BUT always follows the moments of bliss
up in the sky I always fly high
but a crush to the ground
so familiar it sounds
the pigeon was hit by a car
but i knock myself out and scratch at each scar
as though i may vanish
when the heavens and hells cease to exist
and I may end up in where lovers could live
in the inbetween, where all can slowly, mildly
decide and unfold before it may live
from moment to moment
breathing normally

this city

clouds move faster above this city
and winds blow harsher inside this city
and shadows grow darker inside this city
and dreams draw closer towards this city
and history barks louder below this city
and pleasure, adventure, distraction ring
far across the borders of this city
attracting longing, bored, desperate and empty souls
the city´s a queen, the city´s a thief
the city´s the city
and you stop and stare in disbelief
when you catch your own reflection
right in the eye of this spellbinding city
and you realize that you´ve become a part of her face
got stuck like a moth in the glow and heat of her gaze

Everything ends. Nothing ends.

last day of the year

a very English year for me

London i´ll return

be assured

you have not seen the last of me

so much more to feel

so much of me that stayed for real

in you, with you

it was not always alright

i wasn´t

but still there was always light

there was Mornington Crescent

Libertines, tears and fights

you fed me, you bled with me

berlin is my shelter
berlin is my storm

you´re a fire

and I keep burning

longing

earning moments out of time, moments all mine

you´re an ocean of darkness, of light

a temptress of great might

my love goes out to you - you TWO

all I went through was to get closer

to myself, life, love

TRUTH

and i dance into the night

and i may lose a million more fights

but all is me, is you, is buried deep inside
and shapes bridges of great light


crossroads ahead
memories in dreams i carry to bed

and all is real

all is me and what i feel

a story to be told, petals to unfold

until the flower withers...

LIFE.

How can it be

Life is not easy
Life is not fair
Miss Innocence will make it seem so
until the wild winds left her where
love grows cold
hearts get marred
faces look old
and hopes just starve

But how can it be
that there is so much YOU
so much YOU still
inside such a whiny, tiny me?

And how can it be
that I feel guilty, torn, and ugly
when i wish for nothing more
than to hide under your skin
and colour and scratch up
your world, your heart
with my oh way too eager drawing pen?

Here I write, where will you be?
Now, soon, forever
Can I win?
Raise hell
to keep up my faith, and hope, and chin
to look into your eyes
once more

Life is not easy, life is not fair
but Miss Love will make it seem so
and if and wehn I catch your gaze
will all my doubts be then erased?
For now,
till soon,
farewell.

Fall

sick, sick, sickness, crawling up your throat
leaves fall from trees, and you fall and you bleed
silently and refusing to believe
that all there is
is all there was
and now and here
it all slips away
in a rush of sickness
to your head, to your head
you`re so upset
words, words, words,
as they come
you feel doomed
but they are what you silently assumed
the end feels near and nothing,
nothing fills the air,
this room,
this moment
but your fear
you wanna be held,
you wanna cry,
you tremble and try so hard
to stand still, to fight tears
to shake the beauty
back to life
It seems humble, and marred and spare
but it´s there
you won´t give up
you won´t give in
this makes no sense
but there is so much, so much
you would waste
while there is still so much to win
you have to let go,
walk away
and find solace
in every smile,
in every word,
in every hush of hope
rustling and dancing like all those leaves
face the day
overcome all what may
and stay in what is
just stay, stand still, inhale
the smell of coffee, peppermint, present
and live again, and again, and again
every day
to the end, to the end
patient, hopeful and brave

sticky

I left you behind
in my dream
as daylight streamed back into me
and I slipped into a twilight zone
I was caught between a headache and scene:
Rescuing pictures of us that we´d stuck to the walls
-in a strange place-
from the fate
of loss and ruin

We wanted to walk in the rain
and spend hours before parting on a hill
facing the wet, green, fruity summer meadows
we would have to leave behind for another while
until we meet again
If ever
What if never?

Somehow things got in the way
somehow I was meant to spend
time and effort on dreary bends
carved into a road
I dearly wanted to drive down with you

Last hours lost
My hands were sticky with glue
I rescued some pictures -
Naked on paper
the happiest moments with you

But our reality stayed wrapped
in the hollowness of waiting
waiting for sadness
to be replaced by joy
Come back to me!
Released from my dream
Be my daylight
and into you I will stream
If ever
What if never?

I miss you