breathing normally

restless, sleepless, worn
mind is racing and a shadow paints all walls
can´t get out but what am i in
the wheel it does not stop to spin
what is real and how am i to know what to feel
my body is numb
and what can i say
without a message for my errand
and to whom and why and how
and why is it so dark
and fear won´t take a bow
and leave me to sleep and rest
in peace without grief and regret
i´m burning out I`m caving in
but still a rattling nonsense
with hands on a keyboard
is all that I am
and all the romance just fades into grey
I am a dreamer with nothing to do
and much less to say
that keeps you in my world
that leaves my hope uncurled
and unfolding in waves in your embrace
I am too much of too little
and so I exist
and have nothing to give that may help us persist
as a WE
not even in terms of "maybe"
i cannot stop
i cannot leave
the life i inflict with this painful desease
FEAR
i want to move on, i want to resist
but a BUT always follows the moments of bliss
up in the sky I always fly high
but a crush to the ground
so familiar it sounds
the pigeon was hit by a car
but i knock myself out and scratch at each scar
as though i may vanish
when the heavens and hells cease to exist
and I may end up in where lovers could live
in the inbetween, where all can slowly, mildly
decide and unfold before it may live
from moment to moment
breathing normally