in my hands

empty, so empty
my hurting hands
here´s a face
it will be erased
i am afraid

i blast it all out
give me the night
and i´ll shine so bright
in images & words
rainbow coloured reflections
of a malicious
eruptive mind
a beauty, a lover, a temptress
i´m none of that kind

i hide in disguise
and crave adoration
but just as you see me
i withdraw in tears
for my hands feel empty
and so i´ve no right
to make you believe
that there´s anything,
anything at all
that i could give to you

to keep you warm
to dream on your chest
to keep up with all
that you posses
youth, virility, brains & hearts

so much less
such a mess
that´s me
how i see me
and i hate it
don´t know how to feel
don`t know what is real

when i open my hands
would i still exist
when you take them
can i make it
be there for you
be there for myself
and cure the feeble girl
who´s no fake
no delirious, inferiour waste

i want to make love
create birth on an earth
ready to bring me to live
and hand you a flattering butterfly
that had died in clenched fists
waiting for me
to raise it
in a loving, brave kiss

i don´t want to leave thee
don´t want to deceive thee
liberty! screams my heart
and i will fight
until my heart believes in the beauty
my mind so fiercely denies
dreams will come true
i´ll open my hands
and make love to you