How can it be

Life is not easy
Life is not fair
Miss Innocence will make it seem so
until the wild winds left her where
love grows cold
hearts get marred
faces look old
and hopes just starve

But how can it be
that there is so much YOU
so much YOU still
inside such a whiny, tiny me?

And how can it be
that I feel guilty, torn, and ugly
when i wish for nothing more
than to hide under your skin
and colour and scratch up
your world, your heart
with my oh way too eager drawing pen?

Here I write, where will you be?
Now, soon, forever
Can I win?
Raise hell
to keep up my faith, and hope, and chin
to look into your eyes
once more

Life is not easy, life is not fair
but Miss Love will make it seem so
and if and wehn I catch your gaze
will all my doubts be then erased?
For now,
till soon,
farewell.

Fall

sick, sick, sickness, crawling up your throat
leaves fall from trees, and you fall and you bleed
silently and refusing to believe
that all there is
is all there was
and now and here
it all slips away
in a rush of sickness
to your head, to your head
you`re so upset
words, words, words,
as they come
you feel doomed
but they are what you silently assumed
the end feels near and nothing,
nothing fills the air,
this room,
this moment
but your fear
you wanna be held,
you wanna cry,
you tremble and try so hard
to stand still, to fight tears
to shake the beauty
back to life
It seems humble, and marred and spare
but it´s there
you won´t give up
you won´t give in
this makes no sense
but there is so much, so much
you would waste
while there is still so much to win
you have to let go,
walk away
and find solace
in every smile,
in every word,
in every hush of hope
rustling and dancing like all those leaves
face the day
overcome all what may
and stay in what is
just stay, stand still, inhale
the smell of coffee, peppermint, present
and live again, and again, and again
every day
to the end, to the end
patient, hopeful and brave

sticky

I left you behind
in my dream
as daylight streamed back into me
and I slipped into a twilight zone
I was caught between a headache and scene:
Rescuing pictures of us that we´d stuck to the walls
-in a strange place-
from the fate
of loss and ruin

We wanted to walk in the rain
and spend hours before parting on a hill
facing the wet, green, fruity summer meadows
we would have to leave behind for another while
until we meet again
If ever
What if never?

Somehow things got in the way
somehow I was meant to spend
time and effort on dreary bends
carved into a road
I dearly wanted to drive down with you

Last hours lost
My hands were sticky with glue
I rescued some pictures -
Naked on paper
the happiest moments with you

But our reality stayed wrapped
in the hollowness of waiting
waiting for sadness
to be replaced by joy
Come back to me!
Released from my dream
Be my daylight
and into you I will stream
If ever
What if never?

I miss you

Flakes of Fate

Libs, Lips, Lingerie
long hours of love-making
dreams are flaking
and showering into a reality
of two bodies reaching into each other

Moaning, Mingling, Dwindling
dances in candle light
exploding from times passed
in shades of doubt

Tears, Fears, Hearts, and Clouds
lifting and drifting away
in eruptions of joy
from deep down inside

Satisfaction in your eyes
stains from pains
shooting you back
into the beaming core of life

On the road
in the same boat
shipping into a haven of light

Moments out of time
moments on a shrine
to cherish and knot
into a chain of stars
knitted and fitted
around two souls
and marking the universe
of all they came to be
apart
together
as one
on the run
into a brighter world
circling the sun

symphony of desire

i want to live in the fire
i drown in desire
heart is shaking
waves are breaking
all inside my body
in a fever
so eager to live
all the hopes that
I kiss
when I go to bed
and feel lonely
in a skin
I wish to shed
for it wraps me up
in loneliness
and screams in
agony
for slipping and dripping
into you
in ecstatic pleasure
and love spilling cruise

seasons (unfinished)

i feel it on
i feel it in
my skin
something pouring down on me
a hail of nails
a rain of bliss
i lick my lips
and taste the wet that
purifies?
causes?
stains i get
while chasing and crazing
my mind into a maze

the wet is blood
the wet is rain
who knows what
eases
inflicts
pain


in the maze
i race
ignorant to its nature
a garden of seasons
changed by the posture
I take on to walk
in its shades
humble or in grace?

nails might pierce or cover me
in a red blood dress
the elixier of life
and I caress the thorns
that promise
a bed of roses

rain might drench me
in cold misery
or radiate in a glimpse of light
and cover my skin
in a glow of desire
naked
pure
and coming to life
with the roses awaiting
the lovers at night

in my hands

empty, so empty
my hurting hands
here´s a face
it will be erased
i am afraid

i blast it all out
give me the night
and i´ll shine so bright
in images & words
rainbow coloured reflections
of a malicious
eruptive mind
a beauty, a lover, a temptress
i´m none of that kind

i hide in disguise
and crave adoration
but just as you see me
i withdraw in tears
for my hands feel empty
and so i´ve no right
to make you believe
that there´s anything,
anything at all
that i could give to you

to keep you warm
to dream on your chest
to keep up with all
that you posses
youth, virility, brains & hearts

so much less
such a mess
that´s me
how i see me
and i hate it
don´t know how to feel
don`t know what is real

when i open my hands
would i still exist
when you take them
can i make it
be there for you
be there for myself
and cure the feeble girl
who´s no fake
no delirious, inferiour waste

i want to make love
create birth on an earth
ready to bring me to live
and hand you a flattering butterfly
that had died in clenched fists
waiting for me
to raise it
in a loving, brave kiss

i don´t want to leave thee
don´t want to deceive thee
liberty! screams my heart
and i will fight
until my heart believes in the beauty
my mind so fiercely denies
dreams will come true
i´ll open my hands
and make love to you